THE MOTLEY CRUISE 2008


Winning the Motley Cruise was, quite possibly, the best thing that ever happened to me. I cannot thank the House of Hair staff, Pam Edwards in particular (and Dee), and of course, Vince Neil, Alan Koenig and Gigi Martinez, for putting on such an awesome contest, with an even more awesome prize! Not only was I able to vindicate myself for one of the most humiliating experiences of my life, I got the chance to party like a true rockstar and meet my first love after 18 years! If I invented a time machine, I would go back to 7th grade computer class, and tell my humiliated, sweaty-eyed, lazy-eyed (yes, I had one of those too) self, “Jenny, don’t worry, someday this moment will result in you meeting Vince Neil and partying with him on a rockin’ cruise!”

What can I say about this cruise, other than it was UNBELIEVABLE ? Fortunately, the HOH and Vince’s manager put us up at the Chelsea Hotel the night before the cruise, which was the same hotel Alan, and a bunch of other cruisers were staying. We met a guy named Greg, who manages the Skylar Neil and T.J. Martell Foundation, who was a really great guy. We ended up partying Wednesday with a bunch of cruisers, and never leaving the hotel. In exchange for some legal advice, we scored some free vodka and t-shirts.

On Thursday, the line to check into the cruise was quite interesting. It was at that time that we discovered there were approximately 20% of the cruisers who were in no way affiliated with the Motley Cruise. Literally, there were families with children, and all female groups on the cruise, who were surely thanking their good fortune for having stumbled onto this gem! Even the non-Motley Cruisers were tons of fun, and wanting to get in on the action. We were stopped in the elevator the day after the Slaughter/Ratt concert by an elderly lady, who asked, “Hey kids, how was the show last night"? I also talked to two ladies in their 70’s who snuck into the Vince Neil concert. Talk about naughty, ladies!!!

I did not run into one person on this cruise that wasn’t having a good time. There were people of all ages and backgrounds on the cruise, and all were there for one reason, and one reason only: the ROCK ‘N ROLL!! During the Slaughter concert, Mark Slaughter went off stage and through the crowd, graciously thanking all of his fans for their loyalty. Even despite a camera malfunction, Mark waited at least 20 seconds next to me while the camera situation got handled, and I was able to get an awesome picture with him. Did I mention that the cruise was awesome?

Cozumel was great! The weather was absolutely beautiful, and we had a lot of time to explore, and drink $1 Corona’s. Fortunately, we managed to maintain our composure for the Vince Neil event at Margaritaville. It sounded like the charity auction was a huge success.

The heavy metal karaoke was pretty fun, although the selection did not contain my usual “safety” blanket songs. There was only one song from Motley Crue, which was sung right away, and one song from G’N’R, which was also used up by the time my turn came. I managed to scream the most horrific rendition of “Enter Sandman” you’ve ever heard, but fortunately, the crowd was drunk, and deaf. “Axl Rose” made an appearance on the cruise, although, he sounded as though he needed a cough drop or two. This Axl’s rendition of "Sweet Child O' Mine" may have topped the real Axl’s come-back performance at the MTV music awards, but not by much. Vince actually saved the day by doing a surprise ZZ Top performance, which was really cool.

The most memorable moment, for me, was meeting Vince on Thursday! We weren’t on the ship more than 2 hours when we ran into Alan, who got Vince right away. It was one of those moments where I was like a deer in the headlights—even though I had gone over what I was going to say a million times in my head, I could only manage to tell him how great it was to meet him, and how awesome he was in concert when we saw him in Traverse City. Nerd alert!!! I felt like Chris Farley when he interviewed Paul McCartney, and asked him if he remembered when he was in the Beatles, and if it was true whether the love you take is equal to the love you make…My reaction aside, the picture was so awesome!!!!!!!! I am going to blow it up life-sized, and hang it in my living room!

What I hope for on next year’s cruise: (1) that my brothers are able to come with me; (2) that the music in the elevators and at dinner is more in tune with the theme of the cruise; (3) that I am able to stay up later; and (4) that the karaoke machine has, at least,"Holy Diver" on it, or "Kickstart My Heart". Oh yeah, and pirate hats would be nice??? Rumor has it that the cruise is going to be by a different name, and the various entities involved are mixing things up a bit—perhaps the Motley Cruisers can take over an entire ship!

As far as lewd and lascivious conduct is concerned, the cruisers were pretty respectful of the other non-Motley Cruisers. We saw more boobs on Miami Beach than on the cruise. Some dude’s junk was hanging out of his trunks, and we happened to be looking at the wrong place at the wrong time, but I’m pretty sure that was an accident all the way around. We dubbed him Balls Hang Low, and suffice it to say, we didn’t use the hot tub after him. Bryce, my guest, turned to me and said, “Dude, did you see that guys balls?” And I said, “Yeah, they were weird looking.”

The food was delicious, the company was great, and the weather was gorgeous. I can’t say enough about how worth it this cruise is!!!!

Every story has a moral, or so I’m told. The moral of this story is this: every group of people can have a common denominator, and come together because of it. This cruise is the common denominator for a lot of people across the world. And whether you understand the vibe, are living the dream, or are dreaming to one day live the dream, everyone is a rocker deep down! Thanks to all on the cruise, every single person on the cruise made it special! I’m so glad to have fellow fans out there, and can’t wait to do it again!

Once again, forever thanks to Pam, Dee, the House of Hair people, Alan, Gigi, and especially Vince for looking into my pathetic sweaty eyes, and seeing the rocker in me!!!!! I will continue to spread the word about the Skyler Neil and T.J. Martell Foundation, and am bringing as many friends as I can to 2009’s cruise! I am truly eternally grateful to all involved for giving me one of the most unbelievable and unforgettable times of my life. See you in 2009, and have a great year!!!!

Jenny Johnsen